Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
