Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
