How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
