im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
