Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
