FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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