We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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