omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
