so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
