Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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