yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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