Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
