Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
