party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
