I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
