Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
try to milk me bitch
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