Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
