A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
