i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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