im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
