i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
