im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
