Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
