I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
