My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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