i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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