Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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