she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
