found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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