there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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