when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
