My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
