How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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