Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
