She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
