I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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