I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
