I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
bring money and cleavage
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
