I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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