I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
