HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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