she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
