I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
