Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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