im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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