A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
