u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
