Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
