can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
