I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They took my balls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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