I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
