im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
