Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
