I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
