very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have demons in me.
My hand turned me down
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
