Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
