I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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