my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
