I got chris browned last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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