Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
