just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
