Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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