I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
