I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
