he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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