HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
