he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
