Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
