I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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