It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
