took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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