Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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