I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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