so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
