i need an iv and a liver transplant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
