Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
