just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
